She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
Randomize
