Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
Randomize
