You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
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