And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
Randomize
