I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
Randomize
