so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
