genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
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