I just made out with a guy for $7.
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
Randomize
