Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
Randomize
