some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
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