wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Randomize
