I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
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