They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
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