dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Randomize
