Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
Randomize