Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
Randomize
