Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
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