saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
Randomize
