Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
how drunk are you?
Several
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
