i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
I'm just crazy horny about you
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
Randomize
