tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
Randomize
