so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
New. Vanessa hudgens nude pics
That text made me feel like i signed up for some awesome celeb nude pic reminder
Also, on a completely related note, just came up with an awesome business plan. You in?
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
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