this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
My dad just said "fuck circus"
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
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