also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
