I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
Randomize
