dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
Randomize
