alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Randomize
