Its about making memories worth repressing
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
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