she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
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