What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
Randomize
