also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
Randomize
