When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
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