He disabled his match.com account in front of me
I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
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