so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
