You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
Randomize
