Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
Randomize
