he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
Randomize
