so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
I need mimosas to revive my soul
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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