I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
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