am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
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