Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
Randomize
