Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
