dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
Randomize
