I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
Randomize