WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
Randomize
