How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
Randomize
