Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Randomize
