Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
