are you so shy because you have an std?
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
