my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
She swung at the pinata with crutches
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
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