I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
This show inspires me to have sex in space
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
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