I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Randomize
