just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize