i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
Randomize
