On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
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