we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
Randomize
