could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
tequila makes me forget i have legs
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
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