shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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