Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
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