it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
Randomize
