what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
Randomize
