I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
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