Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
Randomize
