Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
Randomize
