Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
Randomize
