I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
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