I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
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I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
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Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
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