I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
