So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Randomize
