Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
Randomize
