i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
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