no one should ever give us hovercrafts
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
Cover your peen. We're going out.
I have peed in a lot of sinks
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize
