i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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