I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
