There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
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