Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
