There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
We need a shit load of segways right now
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Randomize
