ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
