I want you more than these girls want KFC
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
where are my pants?
in the oven.
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
Randomize
