if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
Randomize
